When Traditional Strategies Stop Working: Embracing Acceptance

We’ve all been there—yet another meeting. Everyone at the table has the best intentions, but as a parent, all you want is to alleviate the pain and struggles your child or young person (YP) faces daily.

These meetings often begin with phrases like, “Well, they’re fine in school,” followed by shocked expressions when you describe the reality at home. The meltdowns, the exhaustion, the overwhelming negotiation required just to get them through the door each morning. Your heart sinks. A deep inhale. No one is listening to me.

I'm sure we've all sat through countless discussions about traditional strategies for our neurodivergent children—plans that may have seen small successes but eventually stopped working altogether. We’re left facing behaviours that point not to defiance but to trauma and anxiety. Attendance begins to dip, and we all know where this is headed: parental blame and a lack of understanding about the lived experiences of these families.

Eventually, the cycle brings us here: a child unable to attend school, a household stretched to its limits as one parent steps back from work, income halved, and lives on pause. Nights are restless, filled with worry about what the future holds—not just for the child but for the entire family.

The Need for Acceptance

When the strategies stop working, what’s left? Acceptance.

We as a family learned this through Aaron Yorke, the founder of Accepting Behaviour. His principle teaches us that, instead of forcing strategies or environments that no longer fit, we need to give our children time to recover and heal. The foundation of this approach lies in four key steps:

Remove, Remind, Reassure, and Reaffirm.

This shift in mindset has been an eye-opening journey for us personally, and other families that we have met along our journey. It’s far from a quick fix, but incorporating these principles into our daily lives it has allowed us to better understand and support the challenges our child faces.

The Power of “It’s Not Your Fault”

One of the most transformative parts of this approach is the act of reminding our children, “It’s not your fault.” During a meltdown or shutdown, telling them this simple phrase—coupled with, “I’m behind you 100%”—has an incredible effect. It creates a sense of safety and validation that many neurodivergent children desperately need.

This is where healing begins. This is where the journey changes. It’s no longer parent versus child, or family versus school. It’s about becoming a trusted team of warriors, standing together to face the challenges of neurodivergence while striving to change the world—one small step at a time.

So, the next time the strategies fail and the world feels heavy, take a step back and remember: acceptance isn’t about giving up. It’s about giving space, time, and understanding to a child who’s doing their best to navigate a world that wasn’t designed with them in mind.