The Victory of "Winning" the Correct Provision for Your Child—But Is It Really a Win?

For parents navigating the journey of securing the right support for their child with additional needs, the word “win” often feels misplaced. While many view reaching milestones like an EHCP (Education, Health, and Care Plan) or a successful tribunal as victories, the emotional and systemic costs of getting there leave parents questioning: who is really winning here?

Starting from diagnosis, the journey is far from straightforward. It’s a path riddled with hurdles: understanding the complexities of your child’s needs, advocating for adequate support, ensuring the EHCP is correctly implemented, and, when necessary, exploring specialist schools or alternative provisions. Even then, there’s no guarantee the system won’t fail, forcing you into the daunting process of appeals, mediation, or worse—tribunal.

For our family, this journey recently culminated in a tribunal hearing to ensure my child receives the understanding, compassion, and expertise he so desperately needs. While the outcome was in our favour, the question that lingers is: at what cost?

When people hear about our tribunal decision, the response is almost universal: “You must be so pleased you won!” But that’s where I falter. My son is not the winner here. I don’t feel like a winner. Instead, I’m left grappling with guilt, sadness, and the weight of a system that failed my child so profoundly that we had to fight for basic rights.

It’s hard to celebrate a “win” that feels more like a catastrophic reminder of what went wrong. My son’s needs weren’t suddenly recognised out of nowhere. The challenges he faces daily didn’t disappear with a favourable ruling. This “victory” is a marker of the countless failures that led us here—failures that didn’t just affect my son but our entire family.

These experiences beg the question: why do we, as parents, need to fight so hard for a system that is supposed to protect and support our children? The very existence of a “win” in this context highlights a system that is reactive instead of proactive, often requiring parents to become experts, advocates, and warriors just to ensure their child isn’t left behind or unsupported.

For my son, this is the beginning of his story—a journey sadly shaped by systems that failed to see his struggles, and placing blame instead of offering support. As a family, we are still healing from the trauma we’ve endured together. And yet, I can’t help but wonder where we might be today if he had received the understanding and support, he deserved and was entitled to from the very beginning.

So no, I don’t feel like a winner. But I do feel even more determined. Determined to share our story. Determined to push for change. And determined to remind others that no parent should have to “win” for their child to thrive—it should be a given.

To anyone walking this path: I see you, I understand the fight, and I know the toll it takes. Let’s keep sharing our stories, because our children deserve better.